thoughts on turning 34
simon is such a pleasant stop over. i am not certain if he intends to
stay and be a landmark in my life. but right now, i am just so darn happy
to spend my time with this absolutely gorgeous yummy english man (harharhar).. he makes me smile and giddy.. i am floating on air and it’s all natural high. i think it’s pure simon.
my life, it turns out, is quite the exciting ride that i always
thought it would be. i have no regrets. i have shed oodles of tears, no doubt.
but i have laughed my heart out as well. i have embraced life with wild
abandon (wild daw oh?!). and even if i would have chosen a different path, i
think, life just won’t allow me. I’m too alive not to dive into every
adventure that comes my way.. i guess i am naturally wired this way.
at 34, i wished for love. i think i would want simon to be that love.
but if it isn’t, then i guess i would just have to cry about it, over it.. then get up and move along, as i always do.
i would hope for this story to end in happy ever after. right now, i
am just so crazily infatuated with my englishman. and i don’t think he
even knows it! he acts like i’m the best thing that’s ever happened to
him (yes, virginia, there is a santa claus!). perhaps i am. oh darn it- i know i
am! (i’m not bold for nothing harhar!)
but still and all, he is transient, and i do not want to second guess his plans for the future.
it would be so easy to be afraid right now. to be paralyzed by fear
and retreat into my crevice and not let him in any further than i’ve
already allowed him. but despite this gnawing dread, this seeming panic that
tries to grip at my heart, i think i’d prefer to stare down fear in the eye
and challenge it.
so here i am. turning 34 soon, all the while thinking the year would
end uneventfully. i was absolutely mistaken. whichever way this year
ends, it would definitely be with a blast. let’s just hope i don’t get my
heart broken in the process.. but if i do, i sincerely believe, the heart
expands that way.. and lucky the next man will be for whom my heart will
beat…
happy birthday to my co-celebrators!
nota bene: written pre-34th birthday celeb
